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  • Writer's pictureNathan Foley

6/21 - The Beginning - Gotta Just Abide, Man


Last night, I figured I should start writing in a journal again, but admittedly, it’s a little hard to keep it up in my written journal. My thoughts typically bombard me throughout the entire day and become more coherent by the evening, but we’ve been pretty locked up at night with Kieran so I haven’t written much at all lately. I can’t exactly turn on a light and start scribbling when he is so sensitive and sleeps at our feet in the pack and play. So, I’ll start quietly typing away on the laptop for a little bit each night, or at least whenever I can find the time throughout the day.

I can’t be so scrupulous with this.

It’s stifling.

I beat myself down trying to be perfect all the time with every single foray into the blank page. Just fucking let it go and be natural. I am good at this. I have a good voice. I just need to trust it. Stop trying to create something and just vibe for a change.

I used to be more adherent to the ways of The Dude, but I’ve lost touch with that way of life somewhere along the way. When I was better at abiding, I felt fantastic in this life, no matter what I did. It opened my mindset and allowed me the energy to be creative in everything I did.

If I live this vibe and ride this journey, the creations will come. I need to think of this as a venue where I can hone myself, my voice, and my creativity.

That’s essentially how I think of my green journal, it’s just so much easier to do it here. I’ll still add thoughts to the book, but I think I’ll make this space my everyday journal and The Green Book my special occasion / spur of the moment journal.

Okay. Time to work. I’ll be back. I need to turn down this AC and then make an importable address book for this WPA delivery that’s happening tomorrow. Perhaps more on that later.

I’m back to sneak in a few thoughts before going to bed. It is 11:08 PM and I’m in the basement, wrapped up in a blanket and the laptop on my lap. I tried putting Kieran down to sleep upstairs, but it’s so warm up there tonight and he kept waking up with every attempt. I almost got him down the first time, but of course he woke up to the squeaking floors lol. It’s been an hour and a half since then and I hear him moving around in his bassinet again, so I may have more rocking in silence in my near future.

Nic is in California on his road trip. He’s staying with our mom and has been there the last few nights (excluding the nights he and Gabriela camped in Yosemite). Michael and Nolan have each stopped by over there to hang out, which is really cool of them.

I’ll admit, I am a bit jealous that he is getting the opportunity to see our friends out there. It’s been too long since I’ve seen them myself and I’d love to be over there with them right now. Hopefully they do make it out here for a visit, that’d be really cool. I’ll do what I can to help them make it happen.

I think I need to go rock the boy back to sleep now.

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